Let’s Get Coffee
Five rules for Understanding LA’s Time-Old Tradition
It took me a long time to understand what it really meant to get coffee in LA. At first, I thought it was literal—two people meeting at a café to enjoy some roasted beans, to gossip and to be together. But the deeper I got into the ritual, the more I realized it was less about the coffee and more about what it represents. It’s a promise, a placeholder, a commitment to a certain lifestyle. Sometimes it means next week (or year), sometimes it means never (& you both know it), and sometimes it actually happens quite quickly (rarer than I originally thought).
Over the years, I’ve been on both sides of the custom, both as the maker and the breaker of plans. What I’ve come to learn is that getting coffee is LA’s version of let’s keep in touch. It’s soft, breezy, noncommittal—and yet surprisingly sincere. So in the spirit of making sense of it all, here are five rules for navigating the sacred, slightly ridiculous ritual of getting coffee in LA.
Rule One: Don’t Take It Personally
The phrase and promissory note to grab coffee can feel like a warm hug or a passive brush-off depending on the context. But in LA, it’s best not to attach too much emotional weight to either side of the caffeinated coin. Plans will float around for weeks, only to solidify the night before, then dissolve into the ether, and maybe—maybe—reappear three months later like no time has passed. It doesn’t mean someone doesn’t like you or you don’t care for someone’s feeling. It just means you live in a city where everyone’s juggling busy lives, hating long drives, and trying to keep chill vibes.
Rule Two: Coffee Is the Excuse
Let’s be real—coffee is rarely the main event. It’s the decoy that lets everything else happen: the career check-in, the soft pitch, the friend recon, the low-pressure goss sesh. In a city where meals feel like meetings and drinks can get dramatic, coffee is the safest, lowest-pressure excuse to connect. It’s short, flexible, and leaves room for spontaneity or a graceful exit. You don’t need to love coffee to get coffee—you just need a reason to meet that doesn’t sound like a big deal.
Rule Three: Meet in the Middle
Geography in LA is emotional. The wrong location can turn a simple catch-up into a quiet grudge. If you’re suggesting the hang—and not planning to drive the extra distance—pick a true midpoint. If you’re asking someone to cross town or the 405, the place better be worth it. Think easy parking, solid coffee, and a spot with some room to breathe. In this city, the effort you put into picking the perfect location is a big part of the gesture.
Rule Four: Take Turns Paying
There is no nickel and diming each other over a few doppios. If you initiated the coffee, you pick up the tab—no questions, no Venmo handles, don’t even let them reach for their wallet—just throw out a casual, “What do you want, I got this?” and move on. The unspoken rule is that the next time you meet up, they’ll get it. It’s less about the money and more about the rhythm. Like a good back-and-forth convo, there’s flow, trust, and the mutual understanding that this whole game works better when no one’s keeping score.
Rule Five: Be Present
You did it. The texts were returned, the calendars aligned, and you both showed up—on time, no less. This is one of the rarest of LA miracles, so be there for it. Put the phone away (or at least upside down on the table), take the sunglasses off (unless you’re outside—this is still LA), and actually listen. Sometimes the best thing you can offer someone other than buying their coffee is your full attention, especially in a city where everyone’s always thinking about their next set of plans.
Darin Bresnitz heads back to his hometown of Philadelphia for a delicious convo with chef and restauranteur Kelsey Bush. From growing up in Hershey to culinary school to working on a farm, Kelsey shares the journey that led her to feed none other than the reigning Super Bowl champs—the Philadelphia Eagles—serving up Pop-Tarts and pastries from her new restaurant, Loretta’s, at every home game this past season.
Then, we dig into the archives for a dreamy live set from Brooklyn trio The Unders, who stopped by to perform tracks from their EP and preview their upcoming LP.
That was great 👍 thanks for number 5 for sure 😀🥰