Welcome to the first episode of Five Rules for the Good Life Podcast—the audio companion to the newsletter. In each episode, a guest joins me to share one topic—how they eat, host, travel, create, or just move through the world with a little more intention (with good snacks)—and the five rules they live by. It’s less self-help, more lived-in advice from people who know what they’re doing and have made it their business to do so. These will roll out alongside the essays, whenever the timing’s right, so please enjoy the debut episode with Peter Som!
Transcript:
[00:00:00] Darin, Welcome to Five Rules for the Good Life. I'm your host, Darin Bresnitz. Today, I am joined by Peter Som, award-winning fashion director, culinary creator, and lifestyle expert, whose new book, Family Style, Elegant Everyday Recipes Inspired by Home and Heritage, is out now. We sat down today for him to chat about the cooking that he grew up with from his grandmother and mother, and he shared his five rules on how to host a stress-free dinner party. Let's get into the rules.
[00:00:33] The Good Life - Weezer Snippet
[00:00:36 ] Darin Peter, congratulations on Family Style. It's a gorgeous cookbook and a real inspiration for throwing dinner parties at home. How do you feel about it being out in the world?
[00:00:46] Peter I feel great. It's three years of work, it's kind of really gratifying to actually see it out there in people's hands. You know, coming from a fashion where you do four collections a year and you're cranking stuff out, working on something for three years is a slow burn, but I feel so happy about it.
[00:01:01] Darin Your history with dinner parties really starts with the family gatherings of your grandmother and mother when you were a kid. Any inspiration from those types of meals that you've carried with you into an adult life?
[00:01:14] Peter Absolutely, my grandmother threw lots of dinner parties, so did my mom. They both kind of got it down to a science, you know, and they never seem to be stressed, and I think that is the most important thing. But yeah, I kind of have gotten it down to my sort of five golden rules of how to throw a dinner party.
[00:01:29] Darin Well, let's get into those golden rules because you have become known for your legendary dinner parties at home and abroad. What is the first rule of throwing a dinner party?
[00:01:39] Peter The first rule really is to keep it simple. The food, the drinks, the table, there's no need, unless you are some extravagant crafter or you make ice sculptures, to go crazy. So keep it simple. Remember that people, if they're coming to your home, they're really coming to see you. And the food is an added, hopefully delicious benefit.
[00:01:59] Darin You know, a lot of people can get intimidated by what they see on Instagram, trying to level up their setting game and forget about the food. What's rule number two about
[00:02:08] Peter Coming into somebody's home and seeing a beautiful table laid out is always, you know, with candles and everything is the best, but you don't have to go crazy. I love a table runner. You know, it sort of gives you the tablecloth effect but it's smaller, easier to manage than a full tableclath and flowers, keep it simple. I mean, I am a big fan of a bunch of bud vases that just going down the middle of the table. It makes you look like you're just a master florist when all you've done is maybe run to the deli. and take apart a bouquet and just put them in. It doesn't take that much. And I mean, for flowers, just make sure they're chin height so people can see across the table to each other. But again, simplicity is always key.
[00:02:48] Darin And who said that deconstruction wasn't back as a design trend? The atmosphere is really important as well. And sometimes when you walk in, it's too bright, it is too dark, but you have a rule about how the light should be set.
[00:03:01] Peter I should have made this probably the first rule because to me this is like big, this is important. Dim all the lights. Nobody wants to feel like they're eating at a CVS or a Walgreens. If you have overhead lights, turn them off or dim them super low. Bring out candles. Everyone looks stunning in candlelight. I'm telling you, everybody just looks gorgeous. I mean, everyone's serving Marie Antoinette, you know, playing cards or whatever she's doing. The thing is, think about your favorite restaurant. What's the vibe? Like, what's the lighting? And try to imitate that. So really dim the lights. It really will instantly set a mood and all you've done is turn a dial on your wall.
[00:03:35] Darin Amazing. I have run into this next issue where I take too much on, especially in the kitchen, and I feel that I need to do four, five, six, seven courses. What's rule number four for keeping it smooth and easy in the Thank you for watching.
[00:03:48] Peter Rule number four is a big one because this is about the food and focus, focus, focus, do three courses, do four. That's all you need to do. I always say that make sure you're maybe your main course is your star. That's the one that you're putting the most work into. The other two can either be make a head or Everything is already prepped and ready to go if it's a salad, and then you just toss it together. I say in the cookbook, you're not the Delta Lounge. I mean, you don't need to serve eight different things. Just remember that people are there for the company and the food is a secondary, but hopefully very delicious reason that everyone's there.
[00:04:24] Darin Yeah, unless your intention is to hide out in the kitchen, which I have been known to do, three or four dishes is more than enough because then you don't see the people if you're spending all your time cooking.
[00:04:33] Peter You don't want to be super stressed, you know, you want to set the mood, not just the lighting, but also with how you are. So you don't wanna be stressed. Everyone should have a good time, including the host.
[00:04:42] Darin A great way not to be stressed really comes together in rule number five. You have to be very particular about how you execute it.
[00:04:48] Peter Yes, I call this help I need somebody. If people offer to bring something and you're feeling a little stressed out, take them up on the offer. If you have a friend who's coming who is an amazing baker, you know, if they want to bake something, say yes, just say yes. It takes one thing off your plate and you can just focus on everything else. Even if somebody obviously brings wine, that's perfect. It's a dinner party. People are coming to your home. It's not a restaurant. There's not waiters and dishwashers and everybody around. So if people want to help, I would say take it.
[00:05:17] Darin Well, Peter, congratulations. If you want to learn more about these rules and more about the recipes in your book, where can they go and how can they follow along with what you're up to?
[00:05:26] Peter You can go to petersom.com to order my cookbook and look at tons of great recipes and lots of interesting articles on design, fashion, travel, all of the above.
[00:05:35] Darin Thank you so much. This has been five rules to throw a stressless dinner party with Peter Somm. See you next time.
[00:05:43] The Good Life - Weezer Snippet
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